For four consecutive weeks I threw up every single morning without fail.

It was as predictable as a daily train departure from its station. I would engage in the banalities of the morning by brushing my teeth and showering, and then I would inevitably vomit into the bathroom sink.

What had started as an unexpected and grotesque ritual slowly became strangely normalized.

My girlfriend, who had recently moved in with me, would express her concern daily, to which I would simply reply that I was just throwing up.

 I’d like to stress that none of this was voluntary. I was not making myself throw up and neither did I have an ailment or virus constantly attacking my body. It was purely psychological. My body’s response to the circus that plagued my mind.

 I am a 31-year-old man who prides himself as being solution oriented. Someone that thinks positively and generally views problems as life’s way of being the benefactor of new opportunities. Most importantly, I strongly believe in the divine way of the universe.

During these 4 weeks, the optimistic mentality I cherished so proudly had disintegrated. A sugar cube lost in the waves of a cappuccino. The fact I had a plenitude of problems in my life was not the problem.

Everyone has problems. Some big and some small. A credible rapper from Brooklyn once proudly stated to the world he had 99 of them.

The biggest roadblock I encountered that led to my morning retching, stemmed from my inability to conjure even the slightest idea to guide me toward a solution.

I was devoid of creativity, trapped within the confines of my own mind. Solutions were not on the agenda for the day.

Now at this point of my life I was dealing with a lot. Fighting to keep my business alive, my inbox flooded with a barrage of aggressive correspondence from corporate lawyers., I was waking up in sweats regularly, haunted by the vision of an 18-year-old boy screaming God’s name as he was stabbed to death in front of my eyes. I was living with a partner for the first time which required adjustment and compromise. Not to mention is being a big life event. I was blindsided by receiving an unexpected bill which totalled 5 figures. Adding to the weight of my concerns, I was also preparing for an extended trip to India which I was not looking forward to it as I felt as if I could not enjoy it properly.

It felt like a cascade of irksome challenges invading my personal sanctuary. I’d been hit for 6. Runover by the vehicle of life.  I had never reacted like this before, but I continued throwing up because in that moment of time, it was the only way my body knew how to react.

 That period came and went, as most periods in life tend to do. Sitting here writing this piece 8 months later I look at that man as if he was some other being.  A character in a movie I do not recognise. I see him throwing up. I watch upon as he doesn’t eat enough. I notice how he neglects the stress building up.

I observe him feeling lost.

But I can also see the path ahead. He struggled to see this.

Life is a wild ride, indeed. It throws unexpected punches, tests our limits, yet it also bestows abundant gifts. Amidst its chaos, there's a profound lesson in allowing time to unravel its mysteries. We must breathe, wait, and inevitably, the sun rises again.

One of the only assurances we have in this complexity of life is that the sun will reappear.

That bathroom sink, once a vessel for discomfort, has become a symbol of resilience. It's a tangible reminder of this challenging yet transformative chapter in my life's narrative. Each experience adds depth to the grand story of existence, underscoring the power of our minds as the ultimate navigators of our journey. It's a gentle nudge to honour and cherish our mind, recognizing its pivotal role in shaping our reality. 

While some of those challenges still linger, their weight upon my shoulders has diminished. With each passing day, they seem to grow lighter, as if shedding their burdensome layers.

I'm confident that in the days ahead, they will continue to lose their heaviness, eventually becoming more manageable and perhaps even inconsequential.